02 - You either have it or you don't

It's one of those things athletes hear so often that it starts to sound like a fact. "Some people are just confident, some people aren't."

Some athletes walk into a competition believing the outcome has already landed in their favor, others second-guess themselves. If you're in the second group, it can be easy to assume you're simply missing something that other athletes were born with.

I don't buy it.

Confidence isn't a fixed personality trait that is bestowed on some while it slips by others. It certainly isn't something you permanently possess or permanently lack. Confidence moves.

It changes depending on the situation. I can be high in practice and disappear in competition. You can feel confident one week and completely unsure of yourself the next. You can feel competent in one skill and hesitant in another. You can believe in yourself and still experience doubt.

That's not a contradiction. That's being human.

One of the things I hear often from athletes wanting to improve confidence is: "I'm just not a confident person" when really they're telling me "I don't feel very confident right now."

The first narrative makes confidence a piece of your identity when the reality is that it's a state that can change. That distinction matters because if confidence is something you either have or you don't, then there's not much you can do about it.

Confidence develops. Now, we have somewhere to work.

So how do you build it?

Not by standing in front of a mirror and convincing yourself you're the greatest athlete alive, and definitely not by waiting around until you feel confident enough to perform.

You create the experience so you can gather the evidence.

You prepare. You practice. You take risks. You make mistakes. You recover. You handle difficult moments. You discover that you can do hard things, and over time, that translates as:

I can trust myself.

That's a very different expectation than "I know I'll never fail." Failure is inevitable, and it's a necessary component for learning. How you fail is what makes the difference. You're trading the fragility of perfectionism for the utility of a growth mindset.

That's where the work gets practical. Instead of asking an athlete: "how confident are you?", try asking, "What would you do differently if you trusted yourself a little more?"

Would you take the shot? Call for the ball? Attack the opening? Speak up? Stop playing not to lose? Commit to the decision you already made?

Sometimes confidence isn't about feeling different first. Sometimes you start by behaving differently, and the evidence catches up.

The mental rep

For your next practice, forget about trying to feel confident.

Instead, choose one behavior that a confident version of you would do.

Maybe that's:

Taking the shot you normally hesitate on

Communicating louder

Trusting your first read

Recovering quickly after a mistake

Asking for the ball

Playing aggressively instead of cautiously

Then do it.

Afterward, ask yourself: "What did that give me evidence about?"

You might discover that confidence didn't show up before the rep. It showed up because of it.

That's the part to remember. You don't have to be a confident athlete to practice confidence. You just have to be willing to take the next rep like someone who trusts themselves. Challenging that age old myth that you have it or you don't is a great first step.